The real cost of saying yes

Hello Reader

On Monday 29 September 2025, I ran a session called Your People, Our Performance - we focused on boundaries and performance.

One moment stayed with me. Someone said in response to a question: “No, boundaries aren’t selfish. But we can be made to feel like they are.”

It struck me how true that is - not just for our people, but for leaders like you too.

Think about it:

How many times have you hesitated to hold a boundary, not because you didn’t know it was needed but because of how it might be perceived?

That tiny pause where you wonder: “Will they think I’m selfish? Difficult? Not committed enough?”

But here’s the question we explored together:

- Is what someone else might think (something we don’t even know for certain, only presume from their behaviour)… more important than the cost to us if we don’t hold the boundary?

I know the cost, because I’ve paid it. Years of sprinting in law left me missing moments I can never get back (family time, parties being present!). And I see it in firms all the time - brilliant people stretching themselves thin, trying to live up to expectations they’ve assumed others are holding.

High performers like us are especially prone to this. We care deeply. We deliver. And yet, the strength that makes us stand out can become the very thing that wears us down.

So this week, I simply want to leave you with this:

- Where might you be letting go of a boundary - for the sake of what you think others expect - and what is it costing you?

With warmth,

Vikki x

P.S. If this reflection feels uncomfortably close, know you’re not alone. Or if this prompts you to think of someone else... This is exactly the space I create in 1:1 coaching with law firm leaders - where boundaries aren’t selfish, they’re essential.

Has this resonated with you? reach out vikki@skylark.life and let’s chat.