Your Managers Care. So Why Aren't They Speaking Up?
I’m sure you’ll cringe when I tell you what my boss said to me during an appraisal in 2016.
"Just keep doing what you’re doing."
I'm sure it was meant as encouragement. Instead, it became one of the most dangerous things anyone could have said to me.
You know how differently people approach appraisals. Some dread them. Others can't wait. I was firmly in the second camp. I'd prepared for mine because I genuinely wanted feedback. I wanted to know what I could improve, where I was getting it wrong and what I needed to focus on next. Even the difficult feedback motivates me because I see it as how I grow.
One of the things I find myself saying to clients time and time again is, "Feedback is a gift." Yes they usually eye roll or screw their face up at me at first - whether they're feeling uncomfortable giving it or frustrated by what they've received – but they come to realise feedback is one of the biggest drivers of development.
If reading this has made you think about the quality of feedback within your own teams, drop me a message. I'd be happy to share some of the simple exercises I use to help leaders become more confident giving meaningful feedback
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So back to my story – this happened in 2016. And at that time - on paper at least - everything looked great. I'd joined a Top 20 Accountancy Practice to build a boutique employment law firm and, from the outside, everything looked successful.
But I knew I still had so much to learn.
So hearing "just keep doing what you're doing" left me frustrated. It felt bland. Meaningless.
Looking back, though, those words turned out to be far more dangerous than simply being unhelpful.
I was pushing hard.
Really hard.
I know you'll recognise what that looked like because you'll probably be seeing it in people across your own firm today. Long hours gradually becoming normal. Carrying responsibility for clients, colleagues and the business. Solving problems all day, then replaying them all evening. Ignoring the warning signs because, from the outside, everything still looked successful.
So I kept doing what I was doing.
Until eventually I ran at 100mph into the metaphorical brick wall.
(And yes, I felt like a complete plonker because I was the employment lawyer who spent much of her time advising organisations about wellbeing.)
But I burnt out.
Sadly, my story isn't unusual.
LawCare's latest Life in the Law research found that the average burnout score across respondents indicated a high risk of burnout, reinforcing what many HR teams are already seeing in practice.
Personally, the cost was enormous. Three months completely away from work followed by another three months phased back in. Financial worry. Damaged confidence. Rebuilding both my mind and body after months of running on empty.
For my employer, it meant losing one of its leaders for six months, alongside months of presenteeism before anyone realised quite how much I was struggling. Deloitte now estimates poor workplace mental health costs UK employers around £51 billion every year, with presenteeism making up almost half of that figure.
If someone in your firm came to mind as you were reading this, don't wait. Drop me a message and let's talk through whether there is an opportunity to intervene before they reach crisis point.
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Looking back, what frustrates me most is that it didn't have to happen.
There are lots of things that might have changed the outcome.
But one stands out.
My manager didn't need to rescue me.
He needed to tell me what he could see.
He believed in me. I never doubted that.
What was missing that day was something different: Genuineness.
The ability to say:
"Vikki, something doesn't feel right."
"I'm noticing you're working incredibly hard."
"How are you really doing?"
Genuineness is simply the ability to be open, honest and direct about what we're seeing, even when the conversation feels uncomfortable.
Because here's what I've noticed over the years working with leaders.
They rarely avoid difficult conversations because they don't care.
They avoid them because they don't feel confident having them.
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If you're in HR, I suspect you've watched this happen more than once.
You've seen someone become quieter. More reactive. Stay later. Stop taking breaks. Perhaps become defensive or withdrawn.
Everyone notices.
Nobody quite says anything.
And before long, you're dealing with the consequences rather than preventing them.
That's why so many of the firms I'm working with this year are investing in helping Heads of Department become more confident at spotting issues early, giving meaningful feedback and having the conversations that stop problems escalating into formal HR matters.
With the Employment Rights Act placing even greater emphasis on manager accountability, those conversations have never mattered more.
If that sounds familiar within your own firm, I'd be delighted to share some of the practical approaches other firms are putting in place before the busy autumn period.
Just email me 'Can We Chat' and let's arrange a conversation..
Vikki
PS: I didn't burn out in November 2017.
That's simply when it became impossible to ignore.
The journey had started much earlier, which is why investing in your leaders before people reach crisis point will always deliver a better return than trying to rebuild them afterwards.
PPS. Think this letter is useful to someone else? Please do pass it on.
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Hi 👋🏻 I'm Vikki Pratley, Founder of Skylark and Burnout Prevention Specialist for Law Firms.
Do you wonder why your people seem to be working flat out, yet the firm still isn't seeing the outcomes you'd expect? I help Heads of Department make the transition from being the people who do the work to the leaders who develop the people doing the work - improving performance without relying on constant firefighting or burning people out.
DM me "let’s chat" :-)