The Masks We Wear at Work (and How to Choose Them Well)
A different kind of mask
Halloween has just passed, and everywhere I looked last week there were masks and costumes.
But recently, an in-house lawyer reached out to me with a very different kind of request. She wanted help creating a mask.
On the inside, she told me she felt “a bit stupid and useless” (her words, not mine - and I know she is neither). On the outside, she wanted to be seen differently: someone whose contributions mattered, whose voice had value.
She didn’t want a disguise to hide behind. She wanted a mask she could wear to step forward with confidence.
Together, we built one. Not by pretending to be someone else, but by drawing forward parts of herself that were already there:
Standing up to greet people as they entered the room.
Offering her hand first, rather than waiting for acknowledgment. ✨
Leaning into Amy Cuddy’s words: “Fake it until you become it" and thinking about body language and the connection to her physiology
[I can send you a link to the same Ted Talk I shared with this lawyer, if you're interested]
It worked - because it wasn’t about hiding. It was about choosing which strengths to bring to the surface.
What the colours tell us
This is where psychology helps.
We all have different personality preferences - rooted in Jungian theory - which show up in our behaviours.
For example:
❤️ Driving forward with urgency and determination.
💙 Seeking clarity, detail and structure.
💚 Supporting others and keeping the team together.
💛 Bringing optimism, creativity and warmth.
Most of us lean more heavily on one or two, but we all have access to all four.
This lawyer naturally led with her calm, supportive Earth Green energy. But in this moment, she wanted to show more confidence and spark. So we worked on dialling up her Fiery Red and Sunshine Yellow behaviours.
This framework is called Insights Discovery, and it’s one of the tools I use in coaching to help leaders and high performers. It’s not about becoming someone else. It’s about remembering the strengths already within us - and choosing which ones to put on more visibly when we need them.
[And just to be clear: when I talk about “masks” here, I’m not referring to masking in the neurodivergent sense, which is a very different experience.]
Helping your people choose their “mask”
What struck me in this coaching conversation is how small shifts can make a big difference - not just to the individual, but to the culture around them.
As a People Director, you’ll know how often your high performers second-guess themselves. On the inside they feel shaky, but on the outside they want to be seen as confident, valuable, ready for more.
That’s where frameworks like Insights Discovery can be so powerful. They help your people:
Understand their natural strengths - the energy they lean on most.
Notice when stress tips them off balance - where the energies that are strengths can get overstretched and no longer serve them - ie showing up as suspicion and mistrust, defensiveness, withdrawal, frustration or intolerance.
Choose which strengths to bring forward more visibly - so they can show up with presence and impact, rather than hiding behind an unhelpful “mask.”
For you, the value is clear: individuals who can step into confidence faster. Teams who benefit from healthier role models. And a culture where people don’t just cope - they contribute fully.
Choosing your own “mask”
And let’s not forget you in all this.
Many People Directors naturally lean into Earth Green energy — steady under pressure, deeply supportive, focused on keeping the team together. It’s a huge strength, and often what makes you the trusted anchor in your firm.
But under pressure, that preference can leave you over-carrying for others, saying yes when you mean no, or losing your own boundaries.
So here’s my invitation:
Ask how you want to be seen. Do you want to be remembered as calm? Clear? Inspiring? Grounded?
Choose one or two small behaviours that embody that quality. If your instinct is always to support others, perhaps add a bolder behaviour: share your view first in a meeting, or hold back from taking on extra work that isn’t yours.
Borrow from other energies. Draw from what’s already within you:
A touch of Fiery Red to set boundaries or push decisions forward.
A spark of Sunshine Yellow to bring optimism and inspire.
A dose of Cool Blue to step back, analyse, and bring clarity.
It’s not about pretending. It’s about choosing which part of yourself you want to bring forward more visibly in that moment.
A client’s “mask” in practice
Another lawyer I coached - technically excellent, but visibly carrying stress - often looked defensive in meetings (that formed part of the brief to me for working with her).
Her colleagues pulled back, promotion stalled, and she confided: “I know I’m coming across badly, but I don’t know how to stop it.”
Through coaching, she experimented with her own “mask.” For her, it meant leaning less on defensive detail and drawing more from calmness and clarity.
She began to prepare simple phrasing ahead of meetings, paused before answering, and let her natural steadiness come through.
The shift was remarkable: her team described her as “clearer” and “more approachable.” She rebuilt trust, and her promotion quickly followed.
That’s the power of choosing the mask that lets your best self be seen and helping us to empower others to do the same!
Your reflection this week
As a People Director, you see your people wearing all sorts of masks. Some help them thrive. Others keep them small.
✨ Which strengths could you encourage your people to bring forward more visibly?
✨ And what mask might you choose for yourself in the moments that matter?
Vikki
P.S. In 1:1 coaching and in the Elite Leadership programme I use Insights Discovery (and Insights Explore in the StressLess Academy to help leaders and high performers understand their natural preferences - and learn how to dial them up or down. If you’d like your people to have that awareness too, let’s chat.