Take ownership of mental fitness and prevent burnout
Today is #WorldMentalHealthDay
And the focus is suicide prevention.
Whilst I’m sitting here typing this in my privileged life, surrounded by all my home comforts that I share with my partner, suicide feels a million miles away. But in 2017 I got close to knowing how quickly it can suddenly become a reality.
I have to confess, before then I never understood suicide. As a child I was lightly touched by its affects when a neighbour’s nephew took his own life. I found it the most confusing thing to happen. But no one talked about it and so I was left to draw my own conclusions.
And I did. Seeing the upset and anguish it caused for my sister and the neighbouring family, I concluded that ‘It’ was the most selfish act that someone could commit.
Shocking?
Maybe. Probably. But it’s how I felt. Until I burnout.
Now I know how wrong I was.
Burnout
Despite the large numbers of people who now open up to me that they think they’ve burnt out at one time or another, it was only in May 2019 when burnout was added to the World Health Organisation’s International Classification of Diseases as a syndrome caused by chronic workplace stress that’s not successfully managed. They have recorded it as being characterised by:
“…feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion;
increased mental distance from one’s job, or feelings of negativism or cynicism related to one's job; and
reduced professional efficacy.”
The World Health Organisation’s summary of the characteristics of burnout go someway to summarise my experience but for some it can also result in suicide. Dr Gaither describes here his theory why.
The statistics about suicide are shocking. According to the World Health Organisation, every 40 seconds somewhere in the world someone is taking their own life. And it’s particularly grim reading for men; ASFP report that white males accounted for 69.67% of suicide deaths in the US in 2017. A ‘crisis of masculinity’ was what the discourse around it was labelled when I studied it during my psychology and social science BSc.
I count myself as one of the lucky ones, as I didn’t report wanting to take my own life when I burnt out. But what I did discover was the desperate depths that we can plummet to. And how hard it is to fight to climb out of that deep dark hole. Especially when you keep slipping back down into it, despite your best efforts.
Pretending is not the answer
I have always been an outgoing, fun loving, talkative type of person. You know that one annoying person that won’t shut up but does eventually make you smile with some silly comment or gesture? Well, that was me. And I also consider myself being quite transparent; although I am a private person, for good or bad everyone usually knows what I am thinking. Whether I’m frustrated or pleased, I wear my heart on my sleeve, especially with loved ones.
But what shocked me the most about my burnout was how easily I learnt how to pretend I was ok - so that I didn’t worry people. I watched a documentary about teenage suicide and some of the friends and family reported how “X had been down the pub socialising only hours before they took their own life”. I suddenly realised how that was possible.
I was lucky enough to want to fight to get out of the deep hole consuming me. Although I couldn’t look anyone in the eye right then, I knew eventually I wanted to tell the world what I’d experienced so I could try to save someone going through the exhausting, sad and totally preventable experience of burnout. But I doubt those who take their own life are in their first experience of that deep dark hole either.
Each time that hole looms before me and I can feel myself slipping down into it, it gets harder to claw my way out. And realising that other people don’t always know how to help you when you can feel yourself slipping is scary too.
Take positive action
So, realising all this I now try to focus my energy each day into staying away from the edge of that hole so that I don’t have to pull myself out; as staying away, as hard as it is, is far easier to do than crawling out. And the thing that I’m worst at is the thing that keeps me away from the hole the best; self-care. But it’s when I forget this, or take it for granted, I risk slipping into the hole.
I know that everyone else has different experiences and mental health is a complex subject. But at the centre of the Mental Health Foundation’s work - is the belief that many mental health problems are preventable. And it’s burnout, as a preventable mental health issue and my personal experience, that I’m talking about here.
Just because in this post I’m talking about us taking responsible initiative, don’t think I’m underestimating the importance of our workplaces taking responsibility for creating healthy environments in which we can all thrive (see my other posts, blogs and vlogs on my website and social media). However, as individuals we can create change whilst we wait for the world to catch up. And, now, by putting my mental fitness first I am starting to stay away from that deep dark hole that looms up to try to suck me in.
So what do I do?
For me, it starts with the foundation block; sleep (check out Matthew Walker).
Then it’s about nourishment. Firstly nourishment of my body; I predominantly eat good clean food as I can feel lethargic and it brings me down when I don’t.
And then, best of all, is nourishing my soul. Being an extrovert, what works best for me is being surrounded by amazing people through groups like Action for Happiness, building relationships through activities like Valks (the walking group I set up in my village in memory of my dog, Vinni) but also focusing on my strengths each day.
Next for me is movement. This doesn’t have to be hardcore events (although if you like that kind of thing, try Ross Edgely) but can be as simple as standing up and stretching every 25 minutes and getting out for a walk each day.
Knowing where I am going and having that vision of the life I am creating and living is a good motivator when I feel like giving up and getting close to that hole again. I can take a look at my vision and mission, remind myself of my purpose and dig deep to plough on. If you’re struggling to identify your purpose, try this out.
Controlling my own workload is so important to maintaining my mental fitness. I can easily get over excited about all the things I’d love to do and where I think I can help. But very quickly that can turn into overwhelm and the black hole looms. When we work for others we can easily become passive to our environment. But we can take control. Perhaps have an honest conversation with yourself, think about what stops you from moving towards your vision and uncover what you can do to take control back.
Finally, I focus on balancing the challenges in my life with the right kind of support. The underlying belief and attitude of ‘high challenge, high support’ is now central to my life. These days many organisations, particularly in the professional services sector, have a high challenge environment. However, without the right kind of support the inevitable result will be high stress and, for some (me included!) burnout. So when I’m feeling challenged I consider what support I need and I reach out. I no longer stay silent and suffer. I take positive action.
Despite all this, I still have bad days but I’m learning one day at a time what works for me. And by being open about my mental fitness I have discovered that I’m surrounded by others who feel exactly the same way as I do. Perhaps if we all start swapping notes about how we maintain our mental fitness, and allow ourselves to acknowledge that sometimes we aren’t feeling so fit then maybe we can be the hands to hold that could save someone from being swallowed by that hole and trying or succeeding in taking their own life.
Final Plea
If there is one thing you take from reading this blog please let it be this; Please don’t have the attitude that I once did about suicide.
Learn about it, ask about it and be open about your mental fitness.
Let’s get rid of this stigma that very literally costs lives. It’s not a selfish or criminal act but a desperate act by someone who was unwell and in need of love and support.
Vikki Pratley, Burnout survivor
About Vikki
After many years as a practicing employment lawyer and a founding partner of a successful law firm, Vikki suffered from burnout; recently recognised by the World Health Organisation as being caused by chronic workplace stress that is not successfully managed. Vikki was inspired to help others to be high performers without risking burnout so retrained as a coach and licenced practitioner and founded her business, Skylark.
Vikki now works with professionals, through speaking at events or on a one-to-one or group basis, to help them successfully manage workplace stress and create sustainably high performing environments. Vikki has a wholistic approach to her work, always starting with the individual before equipping them with a tool-kit for success including a mindset, key skills and, for leaders, a process.